Sunday, March 28, 2010

Simple & Clean

We went shopping yesterday. I only got one shirt. While my Mother and brother, Nicholas, got like, a lot of stuff. She went to stores for her and Nicholas. Like Katos, and stuff like that. I got a Mountain Dew shirt. :) I wanna get all the soda shirts! Definitely rootbeer! Lol. She knew damn well I needed jeans though. And when we got home she was like, "Oh, I'm sorry we couldn't find you any pants." Seriously Mother? I can't wait until I'm living in New York!

It's one more week until my Spring Break! I'm kind of excited. Hopefully the weekedn before Spring Break, Sammy♥ will be sleeping over! Then it's just the simple fact that I'll be out of school. Sam (different Samantha) and Harleigh and Erin would probably be over my house all that week. The only problem is Nicholas. Sigh. I have to watch him during the day while Mother is at work. Except Thursday and Friday, my Mother has taken those days off. But she wants us to do stuff together. She was like, "We can go shopping again!" Seriously? Lol.

Today is nothing but washing clothes! How is everyone's weekend?

Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all. Nothing's like before. ♥ I love this song, by Utada Hikaru. :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I hate people. And it's not even a specific person. Just people in general. It's like they're all working for the devil. I can't find not one decent person, besides the three I already know. My day has just felt so fuckish, to the point where I don't even want to talk to my best friends. I feel so empty. I just wanna say fuck all this. The funny part is, that no one ever knows. I always keep fuckin' smiling.

The only thing I'm looking forward to this weekend is going shopping for new clothes. And starting the process to getting my permit.

Things fall apart; the center cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Fly With Me

This week feels so long. I'm a peer mediator at my school and this week I have to go to freshmen homeroom with another peer mediator and talk to them about Being the Change. Sigh. These freshmen are so unresponsive. Like you try to get them interacting with you, and see the importance of the topic, and they're just like, sitting there. I'm like, I was not this dumb when I was a freshman. It's ridiculous. My high school is so strict, and it's because the freshmen fight all the time. We're trying to get them to change so they can have more freedom when they become juniors and seniors. However, the way this is going, I don't see it happening. I have to do it for the rest of this week. Sigh.

I'm actually starting my "Get Healthy" plan! I'm starting to eat healthy, and actually work out! I feel so much better now. I'm tired of being fat. My weight goal is... umm. 120! That's as realistic as I'm going to get. Lol. I want to be like 110. But I doubt that'll happen. I'ma go check how much i weigh now... 153. -_-" I have 33 pounds to lose. But you know what? I'm so tired of being fat. 153 may not be fat to you, but it is to me. It's disgusting. It takes away at my confidence too. I'm sick of it. I'm making that change now. I can do it. :)

I'm starting to write poems again. I miss that let-out. I'm going to write a "life poem", it'll take me a while, but I'll eventually post it on here. It's Spring! I love being outside now. It's sunny and windy. Being outside in the fullness of Spring makes everything alright. I don't know how to explain that feeling. It's just amazing. :)

I saw that person today. It was kind of hard. Because my heart started beating fast and it was kind of that rush/high feeling again. But it wasn't to the point where it was unbearable. I can handle it, because I'm moving on. And I am happy with Sammy! :)

The silence is deafening.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Rob A Bank

New York University is so damn expensive! Going there and becoming a journalist has been my dream forever. But now since I've grown up, I've realized how hard that's going to be. When I say hard, I mean financial wise... The tuition for an undergraduate is $38,765, each year. That's without room and board which is $13,226. Like, fuck! I'm going to be bending backwards to pay for this. I've been doing scholarships from, but most of those are for students who are already in university. I'd have to get grants, and do work study, and still apply for scholarships. I've been studying for my SATs, which I take May 1. I have to do GREAT on those tests.

I'm going to be looking for community colleges up there too, just as a back up. I already have a list of universities I want to go to, but they are just as expensive as NYU. I'd be in the same predicament. I don't know what to do. I just want to do out and rob a bank, or play the lottery.

My friend Williams wrote a note on facebook. They are remaking Free Willy. I mean come one, they are wasting thousands of dollars, that could be going to scholarships or grants, to re-create a movie that will suck. These film makers are dead of originality. This money should be going to students who are in need of financial aid! Sigh. People are just too stupid to do anything right.

This doesn't even look good! UGH!

My nose is stuffed up and I cannot breathe at all. It's really freaking annoying. Next week I have to go to freshmen homerooms and talk to them about them being the change. Long story short; we have to get them to be role models so the school can change it's reputation. But I can't talk to them like this. I don't think there is this much snot in one person's body. Maybe I'm some kind of freak. -_-

But next weekend we get to shop for outfits! I'm so happy. I need more clothes! And maybe Sammy can sleep over. =) I'd be extra happy. lol.So how was everyone's weekend? Ready for Monday??

There are many things that you don't know about me, & I dare you to try to find out.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

♥ ♥

I failed the social studies part. I didn't know what the hell they were talking about.

My day was pretty awesome. I got my waiver to take the SAT. I'm going to take it May 1. Please wish me luck! I've studied from the book, and now I gotta start again. Any pointers from graduates? lol... no.... seriously!

So... I have a girlfriend! She's not the same one that I had talked about in previous posts. I decided to give up on her. Her name is Sammy. =) She's the sweetest girl I have ever dated. She's so innocent and she makes me laugh all the time! I'm happy to be with her. :)

Isn't she beautiful. lol.

The weekend is here! I'm going to a slumber party tonight! Yay! I won't be home until like Saturday night. I know Sunday I have to do a major session of washing clothes! I'm glad I'll be getting out of the house this weekend. I need a break! You guys can expect pictures!!! What is eveyone doing for the weekend?

Oh my goodness, I actually wore shorts today! God I love Spring time! I can't wait to go swimming either!!!

Keep It Moving

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I Used To Love Science

But now? I SUCK at it! Today we had the science part of the grad test and I felt sooo stupid! You guys have no idea. I'm an honors student, and I take AP classes, I've always been in the gifted program since second grade of elementary school. I should never feel dumb to the point where I think I failed. If I pass but didn't exceed expectations, it feels like I have failed anyway. Sigh. I better do good on the Social Studies section. Wish me luck, I will need it!

So I lost a friend last night(not like she died). It was really weird, because it was really sudden. What really surprised me though was that it actually hurt a little. I mean, I lose friends all the time. But this girl, I let into my inner circle and told her my hopes and dreams. I let her into my extremely tight circle in my heart (Alycia, Sarah & Tianna; I love you guys, lol!) and now we are not friends. It makes me almost regret. I feel like she's going to do something horrible. I don't know how to explain it. Like, I trusted her, with my secrets, and now we're no more. Sigh. That's why I never trust. I try, and see what happens? Nope, never again.

I saw this person today, the one I was talking about in my previous post. I hate it when I see them because it just makes me like them more. I just want to move on. It's just starting to get annoying, and when that happens, I usually start to numb myself again. Me and feelings? Yea, we don't get along to well. Sigh. But this person? The little things she does, makes me go crazy. Literally, I get all happy high kind of feeling. Ya know? I feel like I'm out of control.

Almost like I'm trying to walk in a straight line on the bottom of the ocean.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Until You Love Me

Ever liked someone so much that you would actually wait for them? Or even try to be one of their greatest friends, if they didn't see you that way? At first I thought this feeling was horrible because it felt like my heart wanted to break and give up. I'm not used to feeling like that. But I suppose in the ONE case, I'll accept it. It's better to accept then to keep denying it, and trying to hide your emotions.

Sigh, now that I got that I feel so strong today. Maybe because it's nice and sunny outside. It's also very windy! I love the wind! So today we had the math portion of the grad test. Once again, super fuckin' easy! Like these tests are like middle school level! WTF? lol, how are people not passing these? Watch, the science and social studies are gonna kill me. xD

The Climb by Miley Cyrus has been playing over and over on my computer. I'm addicted! It's very inspirational though! Makes my little monsters crawl back in the dark. >=D

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Monkey Chow

My weekend was very chilled out. I did absolutely nothing but watch television (shocker) and be on the computer. I have grad tests starting Monday so I just wanted to be well rested. :)

So I don't know if I've already said this, but I'm going on a diet! However, I never really have time to exercise either. I know that would be the key thing to losing weight. Does anyone have any tips for dieting. You know, what not to eat, what's the best time to eat. Should I skip meals? I'm so lost. :( lol.

I was looking at the prices for airline tickets to New York. I'm leaving from Georgia. I went on... Most of the tickets from here to NY, are in the high 300's. My Mother is paying for it and all, but I had to do my own research. lol. Would that be a good price? Or is that way too high? Idk, I'm really cheap. xD Then on top of that my Mom might get a job in California, so we might be there before I go to NY. Wow...

Can you be so sane, that you're insane?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Pop My Bubble Bitch

I am so very excited to get the fuck out of this house. She keeps putting the stick farther up her ass. That was the last straw. I'm going back. Period. I'ma be the hell away from her when we go back up to Atlanta for Spring Break. I'm going to be gone to San Fransisco (hopefully) right when school is out. Then in August, I'm going to be in my favorite place in the world with one of my family members that actually give a shit about me; New York. I went on google maps and was stalking New York again. Well, more like the area of where I'll be attending university; NYU. I did street view and screen printed Times Square. I didn't do much to edit it. But here it is!

bring on the bright lights

Friday, March 12, 2010

Terorize the City

Starting Monday at my school, they are banning cell phones from campus. We are not even allowed to bring them into the school. I think this is quite crazy. And I would go into all of the details of why I think that way, but then I would be ranting. Lol. I know I'm going to bring my cell phone Monday, but it'll probably just be off now and in my bag. My Mom says, just don't get caught. :) Also on Monday is my high school graduation test! I've never been scared to take tests, and this time isn't any different. But wish me luck! :)

My Mom got Pixar Short Films from Netflix and we watched it yesterday during dinner. I saw this one short film that had me cracking up! It was so hilarious! I'm mad because they wont let me put the actual short film on here. The embed is disabled. But here is only the short version of it:

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Prom Canceled Because of Homosexuality

I log onto yahoo on a daily basis and I love reading the articles that first pop up when you go to the website. This one however, did not bring a smile to my face. A high school in Mississippi canceled thier senior prom because of a lesbian, and her cross-dressing girlfriend. I, obviously, think this is ridiculous. Her girlfriend wanted to dress in a tuxedo. That's all, they were going as a couple. I can't see how that would interfere with anyone else at the prom. If people have a problem with it, don't look. It's not like the gay community is trying to turn everyone in the world homo! People are working against the rights of gays and lesbians. This is from the article:

-A Feb. 5 memo to students laid out the criteria for bringing a date to the prom, and one requirement was that the person must be of the opposite sex

-Presgraves said his organization hears about school districts that prohibit same-sex prom dates and gay-straight alliance clubs at schools. He said those kind of policies are detrimental to gay students.

-"It sends a message that these students shouldn't be treated the same," Presgraves said.

In my literature class today we had to do speeches. Three people did speeches on homosexuality. Two were males and were against it. One was a female and supported it. The males kept saying what can a girl do for you? They can do as much as a man could. I never understood that. I have been in a very happy relationship with a female, and she gave me everything I needed. A girl can't do as much as a guy could. Lesbian couples now days can have children together also! Anything is possible. My whole day has been a conflict with who I am. I'm tired of people trying to change me. I am a lesbian. I am very proud of being a lesbian. In fact, I embrace it. :)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Is ignoring someone a form of rejection? I think it may be. That's how I will take it also. I'm tired of chasing after someone who is not making it clear of what they want. I refuse to wait either, that's all I've been doing. It's time for change. Don't you think? If not for change, it's time for release. Definitely release. I keep living in the shadows. It's time for my little monsters to come out. >=D

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Rumble Rumble

Today in Literature we did something with symbolism. She gave us a word and we had to write everything that came to our mind. She put Spring on the board and that is my absolute favorite season! It's not too hot, it's perfectly windy and it rains when it needs to! It can't get better than that. March 20 officially starts Spring. I'm so very happy! :) I wanna go plan picnics now and fly kites and dance in the rain and fall asleep on my roof top. Feels so free. Spring is like Summer for me. In Summer I usually have a job when all my friends are out doing fun things. But at least I'm getting paid. :)

For some reason I felt so fuckin bad ass today and I wanted to fight SOOO badly! I think I know why I'm so pissed. And just knowing why, and it being that reason, makes me pissed even more. Have you ever been mad at yourself for being mad or something so little? Yea, it's kind of like that, but it's not so little. Ugh, fuck it. Anyway, I'ma talk to some of my white friends to see if we can plan a riot. I really feel like mosh pitting. Idk how these people really are down here, I don't wanan get ratted out. Lol. Then I'd really go mac on people. xD

So I'm starting this diet because as I said I'm getting fucking fat and my clothes are starting to get tight. =/ My diet is something called starving. Oh Blaze don't do that, it's not healthy, you won't lose weight like that! There I said it for you. It's not healthy but it does work for my body. I've done it before, I just know when to eat when I have to. Wish me luck on that one! xD

shoot it up junkie

Monday, March 8, 2010


So my little photoshoot I was going to do? Didn't work out so well. I only took two good pictures, and only one you get to see. :)

The parental unit has a stick up her ass again. I remember now why I liked going to school. I've realized something today. I crave to be in love. Not just to have love, to be in real love. Unconditional love. I'm craving an emotion. Feelings aren't for me. Worst of it is that love isn't for everyone. When is this craving going to go away?

I only scratched the surface.

Po Po Shut Us Down

All that is on my mind are breaks from school. This upcoming Spring Break I'm going back up to Atlanta. Then during the summer I'm going to California, Florida, and New York. How awesome is this? I remember I used to love school, but now it's just blah... I do like seeing this special person though. :)

I was watching America's Best Dance Crew the other day and this season they have a very diverse group. It's really interesting to watch. I have to say my favorite groups are Hype 5-0, Poreotix, and Static Noyze. I know, that's like half the people. Hype 5-0, they're just so cool to watch, definitely their Lady Gaga performance. Poreotix, they do that weird robot thing with their hands and body and they move as a group. It's fun to watch. With Static Noyze, they are the most inspirational to me. When they're dancing they tell a story with their moves. That makes them my top favorite. :)

I'm staying home from school today. Why? Because I really didn't feel like going to that hell hole. Plus, I had nothing. xD I'm going to watch The L Word and probably do a photoshoot today. I miss taking pictures. Throwback!

Maybe I'll post some photos on here later.

i want you; i need you; i miss you; i love you
i fuck you; i dream you; i crave you; i live you

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Pesty Mosquitoes

monstrosity:a person or animal that is markedly unusual or deformed; something hideous or frightful.

Life in Valdosta has more ups and downs than any other place I have ever lived. Hell has some serious plans on this place. Definitely when I'm placed here, and everyone likes the idea of fucking me over; whether it be openly or blinded. However all of it is numbing me; preparing me for the world upon graduation. That is my only goal as of now. Graduating and [how many more times can say this until it is etched into our brains] move to New York. The South? Not for me. Never was; never will be. Don't get me wrong I've had some fuckin awesome times here, but that time has been passed. It's all business now.

Many things have changed since our time together. Because of it, I haven't vented on you. They were all empty words; shit that would change and did change in a single breath. I knew it to happen; because I can see my desitny planned out. I can see more numbing, more pain, more fucking and more shame. I also see happiness, and peace, but most of all fame.

That ends my intro to my monstrosity at the arcade. So what do you say? Let's kill together babe.